like a triple rainbow of new gum things

I just bought a pack of Orbit Mist Crisp Mint Waterfall thinking "oh, Katie Inman bought it, but maybe she hasn't reviewed it yet." And, while kinman didn't beat me to the punch, apparently there's a new chewer on the loose. But I pretty much agree with everything Meredith said, so, onwards and upwards: Stride Spark and Orbit Big Paks.
Stride Spark is another kinman-bought-it-first gum (what a trendsetter, that girl). It's basically a sleep-deprived lightweight's dream... ready for this? Gum with vitamins. Yep, our friends over at Stride decided to shove nutrition down the throats of begrudging teenagers and throw us lightweights a rope by loading their latest concoction up with B6 and B12 (according to the packaging, "Vitamins B6 and B12 help release energy in the body." okay, Stride. I'll buy it.) It sounds kind of gimmicky, sure, but I have good news: it also tastes kickass, and, in true Stride fashion, lasts long enough to keep even the most committed of chain chewers satisfied for a nontrivial while*. The flavor in question (the only Spark flavor I found at Verd's, correct me if I'm wrong) is Kinetic Fruit, which tastes generically sweetly citrusy, but with an appreciable (and refreshing) tang -- it doesn't fall into the "overpowering fruity-sweet mouthbomb" category, as fruity gum flavors are so wont to do. Sure, I have no idea whether it's supposed to be orange or lemon, or -- do I detect grapefruit? Rock on, Stride! -- but they knew this going in and didn't bother calling it "orange" only to leave us disappointed and confused. And besides, grapefruit it miles better. Think Fanta vs Fresca. No contest, amIright? I wanted to write a long, winding metaphor culminating in an ode to this masterpiece, but I'm running on too little sleep and you're biting at the nails to have me talk to you about Orbit Big Paks.
7-11, yesterday. Just chillin', checkin' out the protein bar selection and ooh, oh my, what are you?! 35 sticks in a single $2.50 package? It's not that Orbit Spearmint is much of a revelation at this point, but it's solid. It's a gum you always want to have in your back pocket, to cleanse palettes between fruity gums or nix the sugary aftertaste of sweetmint. Couple that with the fact that it's not too shabby as a standalone chew, and here was a package that would get me through multiple days of chewing. When you know you have packs upon packs of experimentation, flavor fatigue, and awkward taste transitions ahead of you, it's this bad boy that'll keep you chompin' and chewin'. And for that, Orbit Big Pak, you have my devotion. I'll be back.

*In the process of researching this post, a chain-chewer of two years with an average stick lifetime of 7 minutes was presented a pack of Stride Spark Kinetic Fruit. The chewer -- let's call him/her Nomasaurus -- not only chewed the first piece for a solid 12 minutes, but claimed that he/she forgot she was chewing, so subtle and inoffensive was the flavor loss. The second and third pieces suffered earlier deaths, but the experimenters attribute this to the Law of Diminishing Flavor Sensitivity.